Compassion or Judgement

March 8, 2012

Each and every moment of each and every day this choice is open to me.

Every new moment that arises in your life can now be a point of choice. . .in which you can choose to treat yourself and others with Compassion rather than Judgment.

Today, I respect others’ rights to their beliefs, just as I respect my own. I bring my love of openness, inclusiveness, and harmony with me wherever I go.

 

Quiet

March 7, 2012

I love to tell stories.

In fact, that’s how I relate best with people. Stories about people I meet and what they said and how they said it and what it all means.

Telling a story about something that happened at the post office this morning can start something big. My husband will tell me a story about one of the people I mention and end up tracing their family history. Then he remembers hearing a similar tale about a neighbor.

Eventually I might get back to my point, and sometimes that’s important. Very important.

Finding my voice and feeling comfortable with expressing myself easily hasn’t come easily to me. Being able to persist calmly until I get heard is a new experience for me.

And this new found confidence has led me to less talk.

I am more quiet around people. I listen more. I am relaxed and calmer.

I am finding people more interesting.

Now that is interesting to me.

Home

March 6, 2012

I am home and ready to sleep in my own bed and it is good.

When I was younger I loved traveling and sleeping anywhere. The adventure was all.

Now, I love the leaving and the being away. But at the end of the day. I want to be in my own home, in my own bed.

And it is good.

Time Well Spent

March 5, 2012

I spent this weekend in a mall, working at my one of my jobs, which is selling the pottery my husband and I make in our studio.

It’s an unusual way to make a living: making and selling something.

Especially art.

Most people have a pretty clear idea what that’s all about. Much of the time those ideas are too romantic and glow-y to be real.

Part of selling pottery is to sell the pot’s story,  which is mostly our story.

The mystique of being a full time artist can be shattered by listing all the workaday mundane tasks that must be done every day.

There are two answers to that question—What inspires you?

1. My mortgage. That’s obvious, once we say it. What gets us in the studio? What compels us to put in 12-14 hour days day in and day out? Money, honey.

2. The other ‘real’ answer is the need to express something with clay. In our functional work we want to make something people use. Real people making something a real person will use. Potters, artists, put their heart and soul into each piece made and each item holds in it the life source, the life energy of the maker. And in our case, we make the mug or the bowl or the goblet for someone to hold and enjoy and we hope, make their life better.

It’s as simple as that.

Ahhh. But not so fast. We have to sell it in order for someone to use. That’s the other part of the equation.

So this weekend we packed up pots and went on the road in search of matches for our pots. “Single mug looking for that perfect person share a cup of coffee.”

When it works, it’s like magic. And we are a success. We make people happy.

It’s time well spent.

 

 

I’ve gotten so good at sweeping my worries under my skin that sometimes it actually works and I forget about them.

After a while I stop sleeping, my gut twists itself out of shape permanently, I get headaches or my back curls over my heart. You can tell I am carrying the weight of MY world on my shoulders all alone, again.

When I do remember the thing or things I was/am worried about I move instantly into a panic attack. My heart races. My stomach lurches. I breath quickly. I feel ready to burst into tears the fear is so big.

What to do? or rather, What’s the right thing to do.

  • Think
  • Breath
  • List the worries
  • and then List the details of each worry
  • look at the list
  • which ones are probable, which are possible, which are a reasonable fear
  • which isn’t

Now, take a look at your list. The fears or worries you have are legitimate so create an action plan to deal with these worries

The worries that are out of your control, let go of. If you focus on taking care of that which you can, the rest will be taken care of.

Finally, the worries that are left off both lists–those are the interesting ones. Give yourself enough time to learn from these fears and worries.

Don’t worry about the time. These fears aren’t going anywhere.

Enjoy.

Choices and Failure

March 3, 2012

 

First, I have to think about what failure means to me. It isn’t always an opportunity. Sometimes it is just a mistake or misstep, or misstatement. Sometimes it is just a failure.

Sometimes I do it wrong. I think about something wrong. What do I mean by that?

I forget to feel and think and act instead–impulsively. Doing something is better than just sitting here worrying or wondering.  And that is my failure to sit quietly with my self and experience all the feelings and think all the thoughts about what is bothering me. When I don’t do that, I fail to pay attention, then I miss myself and all I can learn from myself.

Ok, then, when I fail, if I am paying attention, or rather, when I DO pay attention, then I can try again. Begin again.

I see.

I like failures in concept only. I would rather not make a mistake, and hence I will procrastinate beyond reason to prevent a failure.

I do have choices here. I can chose to do the same things over and over hoping this time I get it right or I can stop. Listen. Chose to listen to myself, think and learn from my past mistakes.

My failures.

I would rather look at each failure as my adventure that dead-ended in the maze of life and I will turn around and around until I find a path and take that one as far as I can until I get somewhere or deadend myself again.

As far as intelligently is concerned, I think that is a crock of sheeiit.

Perhaps I’d like to unlax and stop trying so hard. Have more fun and then I may learn even more from my failures.

Yeah, I’d like to do that.

As if I could understand the state of Uncertainty. I do understand how I feel when I am unsure, or when I don’t know anything. Or even what to do next.

What I’ve been learning during the past year’s intensive healing and growth is that not knowing is no big deal. This is diametrically opposed to how I have been living most of my life. The driving demanding need to know what that sound is or what has happened and why has caused so many problems in my life. I just need to know what is going on and what I have to do about it. I have to know what others need me to do. I want to know what is expected of me.

There is safety in this. No surprises. As a child I spent most of my day trying to figure out my mother’s mood, or my dad’s and then all the other people in my life-brothers, neighbor kids and fellow students and teachers.

I exhausted myself with learning what was expected of me. I was overloaded with data and everyone else’s needs.

I wanted to know what I needed to do to make them happy and then my life would be safe and secure and I could relax.

As an adult, then, uncertainty meant I was always struggling to figure out what I should be doing. Control was my friend. My life. My goal.

Now, I have gotten more comfortable with not knowing. I have more experience with that, too. And I have a nice easy coping tool.

Prayer. Acceptance. Letting go of fear. Letting go of my illusion of control. The world is so exciting and now not knowing frees me.

Still, though, I don’t know that I understand uncertainty. I do embrace it.

And yet, not knowing how can drive me crazy.

I am uncertain about this. 🙂

There are some things that you know to be true, and others that you know to be false; yet, despite this extensive knowledge that you have, there remain many things whose truth or falsity is not known to you. We say that you are uncertain about them. You are uncertain, to varying degrees, about everything in the future; much of the past is hidden from you; and there is a lot of the present about which you do not have full information. Uncertainty is everywhere and you cannot escape from it.Dennis Lindley, Understanding Uncertainty (2006)